Grandma Smith
Extract from Betty's forthcoming book
Grandma Smith
The day before my Mam died she looked at me and told me: “Betty while ever you are alive my Mother is not dead.” I had said or done something that had made her laugh and shake her head at me.
Florence May was 87 when she died in 1967. Mam had nursed her for weeks after a stroke had taken her speech and most of the use of her limbs. It had not taken her guts and fighting spirit. I had Di the week after Grandma had the stroke and I was so pleased she was able to see my baby.
We counted up after she died how many desendents she had left and it came to nearly 100. I have no idea how many it would be now 41 years later. Many things come to mind when I think about her, I always smile as this is what you were sure to do on a visit to her.
She was only small and could not have weighed more than 7 stone. I remember once she bought a long fur coat that would have looked better on a big woman. She had to wrap it round her and tie it with one of my Uncle Gilberts belts. It railed on the floor and all you saw from behind was a teddy bear with no head. Gilbert lived with her after his wife died, Malcolm their son was 9 days old when Alice died and Grandma brought him up. She spoilt him but they were like a double act together.
Although very deaf she hated the hearing aids and there were quit a few lined up all broken and rarely in her ear. You could hear her radio or racing on TV long before you reached her home. When you got in she would be knelt down in front of the TV shouting her horse’s home.
Florrie loved a bet this was one thing I did not inherit. She used to drive the local bookie mad with her permutations threppenny trebles or doubles and some days he would pay up just to get rid of her. She lived opposite the bookie and the weeks she was dying she would still want to put a bet on. Her bed was in the front room and under the window. She would knock on the glass trying to get attention and point to the bookie. Mam or Gilbert had to pretend to put a bet on for her.
Mam as never liked betting and neither do I but after Gran had been dead about 8 years I had her come through me and ask me to have a bet for her. I had never been in bookies and had to be shown how to place a bet. I just put 50 pence on and went next day to find it had won. I placed all the money back on and did this every day until by the Friday I had a good sum of money. My sister-in-law went into the bookies with me and was amazed when she saw all I had won that week, I told her that this was going to be the last time and I would lose it all. I took my original 50p back and placed the last bet. I have never done it since but that was a week both Gran and I had fun together.
Gran was a medium and went to the local Spiritualist Church as well as the Church of England Church. She used to have to go to the Spiritualist one in secret as my Granddad would not have liked it. Gran always predicted the village babies and nobody could keep it secret from her. When she was laid dying one of my cousins Susan went to show her the new engagement ring, Gran held Susan’s hand then looking into Susan’s eyes she pointed to her belly and then shook her finger at her. Sue was only just pregnant and nobody knew until Gran let the secret out.
Although I am like her in many ways I do not like going out socially like she did. Gran loved Bingo and would go to the sessions in the local working men’s clubs. You knew were she was sitting by the loud laughter of everyone around her. She wore thick lyle stockings held up with elastic garters. On Bingo night she would tie them up with one of Gilbert’s ties.
People would ask her which of Gilbert’s ties she had on that night.
Florrie had a passion for decorating and washing. When Granddad was alive he was a Deputy down the pit and worked three shifts. He would arrive home after the night shift to find Gran had papered the front room. If he did not say it was wonderful she would scrape it all off and paper it again before he got up in the afternoon.
Neither Granddad nor Gilbert liked Gran smoking so she would put the big clothes horse of wet clothes around the black leaded coal fireplace and then sit behind it smoking and puffing the smoke up the chimney.
My sister remembers it well in the days of rationing when you could not buy cigs easy Gran would buy what they called Pashers, these smelt terrible and you could smell them before you got in the house.
I remember going to visit and seeing thick smoke rising from the clothes horse, I shouted out for help as I thought the clothes were on fire. Then my Grans little head popped up behind it laughing her head of at my scare.
The bus stop was right outside her home and she really lived in the minute like I do, she could be in the middle of washing or cooking the dinner and seeing the Wafefield bus pull up she would pick up coat and purse and run to get on it. Three hours later she would arrive home and continue what she had left off doing.
She still did all the house work and decorating right up to 87 when she died. I remember her climbing on anything that was near her to either reach something or paint the ceiling and walls. The big kitchen table had castors on and she would stand on this to do the decorating. I remember finding her doing this one day and she had a broom to push the table she was stood on to the next part of the room. She fell many times and broke limbs but it never stopped her. We used to tease her that she washed clothes that were already washed just to have the satisfaction of seeing a line full of clean clothes. She never had an electric washer until a few years before she died but even then she preferred the peggy tub.
You never visited her and came away empty handed. Hot oven bottom cakes with dirty dripping on or a current teacake she had just made were given to be enjoyed on the bus back home. It was not just food she gave you and it was easier to take something than argue with her. Many times she gave you what you had bought for her but she did not know that. With all her many grandchildren her home was filled with cheap ornaments we had all bought her. So we knew when we took her a present one of the other kids would end up with it but it gave her double the pleasure to receive then be able to give away.
Because she was very deaf she found it hard to listen to conversation in a crowded room, this meant she cleverly held the topic and made you listen to her stories. If she did not do this I used to see her sitting quiet in her own little world looking lost. Thinking about how I have always enjoyed telling stories but still feel nervous about being in company it is another trait we share. Perhaps she had been like this long before she was deaf. People who see me working or in my own home and family would find it hard to think I was shy, yet it takes a lot of courage to visit even friends or any social occasions when I am not sure what they expect of me. I never feel lonely on my own but all my life I have felt lonely in groups. I think I entertain people to cover this up and now wonder if Florrie did the same?
My mother was the eldest and then Gilbert but then Gran lost two children. Three more followed but the gap in ages meant Mam and Gilbert was very close and in many ways were brought up different to the other three. Mam had to start work at thirteen but even before that she was working hard at home looking after the younger ones and a great deal of jobs for neighbours. The Gran I loved and knew was wonderful company and very indulgent with children but Mam and Gilbert had been brought up very strict and made to understand it was their job to work to bring money in and look after the family. Gilbert went on doing this to his two youngest sisters for the rest of his life. They lived near Gran and one sister had ten children the other one had seven. All were born close together so Gilbert would visit most days and when he left there would be money on top of the mantle piece. Malcolm was spoilt with toys at Christmas because he was an only one and no mum we all thought he belonged to us. He was the brother to every family. Although Malc was always a strong character he was also like Gran in giving away his presents. Once he had opened his presents on Christmas morning he would sort them into piles and take them across the road to his two Aunties homes for his cousins. He also is still like this and never needs things for him. Out of all the grandchildren only myself and Malc take After Gran in our spiritual beliefs and ways. This as made us just as close to each other as his Dad and my Mam was.
Now Malc works in America we do not see each other as often as would like but when we do it is as if we see each other every day. He came to see me yesterday and gave me his latest book which you can only get in America at present. From leaving Manchester airport to getting back six weeks later he has travelled on sixteen planes all over America doing healing in Edgar Caycee Churches. He only has two weeks back home before he flies off again. This he as done for over ten years and he has helped many many people not just to heal physically but emotionally too.
I know his Dad and Gran must be incredibly proud at all the work he as done to make a difference to thousands of life’s. I have watched him with pride and awe when he is working and also coping with many difficult challenges in his life. At times I look at him when he is sat quiet in his own world and see our Gran sat there. We are so privileged to have not just her genes but to have known and loved her.
Whatever we do in our own lives can never have been as hard as it was generations before. If I never entertain people with my book I hope at least it will be a record for future generations to read and realise that each new addition to the family tree are inheriting traits of personality as well as perhaps their eye and hair colour and many more physical things. It is the struggles past generations had that give us our survival genes. I may not leave my family wealth but not many of my family did.
What I want to leave is the willingness to work hard for anything they want and to share with others who are not as fortunate. To always be proud of their heritage and remember they are here to do even better